Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize