i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
