The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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