dude i'm inner monologue high
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
