I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
