Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
