His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
