69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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