tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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