Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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