my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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