Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
