Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
