I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
