yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
