Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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