I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
