glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
