I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
