just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
