thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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