It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
