took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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