I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
