im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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