I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
