I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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