Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
