Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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