i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
