I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
