Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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