I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
