It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize