I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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