I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
