More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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