Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Drake has all the answers
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