the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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