so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
