I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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