Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize