holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The Olympian is in my bed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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