butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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