I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
