Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
