ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
