so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
