I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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