if you like me you must not know who I am
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I stole a fireplace last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
