so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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