Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
