He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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