ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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