very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
