I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
