You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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