Can Purell be used as lube?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
