it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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