I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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