I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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