wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
