I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
