break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
