No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
