I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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