she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
