I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
