chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
