I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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